I wish I could subscribe. I too have PTSD, CPTSD, Treatment Resistant Depression and Chronic Anxiety. I am a survivor of historical sexual abuse from 3 men. My mom knew and one of my other assaulters wife knew and did nothing. I did speak out at 27 and lost about 47 people in my very close family, within seconds. Almost 30 years later and every medication and treatment possible, I still struggle daily to even get out of bed. I hide from the world. People have tried to help? But when they can't fix me, they leave so it's easier to be alone. I have suffered more Trauma from Mental Health Professional's that have no business treating Trauma survivor's like me.
The world is cruel. Life is hard and I sit between four walls waiting for my suffering to stop.
I'm so sorry to read this. First, I'm very happy to have you as a free subscriber. You don't have to pay anything to be part of my Substack and I'm glad to have you.
Words can't do justice to the horror you've experienced. When it comes to mental health professionals, I've also had bad experiences. It's tragic that "fixing people" is still what the majority think of as "helping".
I want you to know that I have no qualifications in mental health other than my own experience. But I see you, you matter and I'm glad you're here.
Candace I hear you. Many ignorant people have compounded your trauma and deepened it so staying away from people is learned behaviour that you don’t need to apologise for. Of course you avoid hurtful situations, it’s part of our strategy to survive. Some people have called it wintering, and other people’s coldness has caused it in your case. Just do something kind for yourself every day and when you feel up to it, follow and find people who can warm you back up a bit on here. Sending love ❤️
This really touched me thanks for sharing. I understand first hand I've been dealing with mental illness all my life starting with my mom who was bipolar. I am now 40 and got diagnosed at 17 with bipolar disorder. It's not easy it's a daily struggle. Struggle to live, get back to being yourself, being around others. Yes they judge you, because people judge what they don't know and are too ignorant to learn and research about.
Your transparency in sharing this does a real service in educating others/me. Your breakdown of the difference between psychotic and psychopathic is particularly important. The misconception that schizophrenia makes someone dangerous is both damaging and unfounded. People with schizophrenia are far more likely to be victims of violence than perpetrators, yet fear-based narratives persist. Clarifications like yours help challenge that stigma.
Your experience with ignorance—whether from your father’s friend or your partner’s sister—speaks to a broader issue. Many would rather dismiss or distance themselves from what they do not understand. Instead of empathy, they respond with avoidance or judgment. But as you’ve shown, the ignorance of others (including professionals in the field) does not define one's worth, nor should it dictate one's future.
Thank you for sharing this. It’s so important. I grew up with a mom who suffered significantly from mental illness at a time when it wasn’t considered; only avoided and judged. I too have suffered from depression; anxiety and chronic ptsd. It’s a lonely thing bc most people in my circle can’t or won’t relate. You messages are so validating. I chose to be a mental health clinician as my life work. It’s all I could do to try and be a part of the solution and remedy for these issues in our society. It’s hard work and hard on me sometimes, but I know it’s why I’m here. Seeing my mother suffer and me suffer also has developed in me great compassion for others who are unseen and marginalized bc of their struggles that people don’t understand or want to even try. I’m so encouraged by your hard won victories and never giving up. Amazing! Peace and blessings to you and yours over and over!
Thanks so much! You’re so right that mental health issues can make life lonely. That’s why we have to reach as many people as possible to let them know we see them and we understand.
Your remarkable strength is evident throughout your writing. I am deeply appalled at the bully nurses you describe. As my father asked from his nursing home bed about aids who were abusing him, “Why do people like that take this job?”
Thank you for sharing your story. I can definitely relate to feeling misunderstood. I/we have DID (dissociative identity disorder), which is also often mistakenly believed to be violent and dangerous, due to all the horror movies that have been made about us. We have started telling our story online, using pseudonyms, but most of the people in our daily life don’t know about it, because we don’t feel safe being completely open about it. - Leyna
It’s ridiculous the way it is portrayed. These disorders I don’t see as disorders but in a way our innate spiritual intelligence that protects our psyche. You are probs a super sensitive person who has access to abilities that most people don’t. Keep going dude ❤️🩹
I’ve done a mental and health and drug alcohol as an interviewer for 24 years . Folks don’t fathom it until it hits them or family. My father had a mental breakdown in front of me when I was 12. He was heading that way again with poor health as well. At 18 I found a natural therapy that he went on immediately. He lived 35 years more and never died of cancer. He gave hi heart to the Lord at the beginning of this ordeal and never repeated the long process . We found out years later he had witnessed horrible things as a child that no one knew. You don’t know what a person has been through ever. For some it’s a quick process, but others can take a lot longer.
I have an interesting thought experiment for you. What if you referred to yourself as having 'psychological injuries' rather than a 'mental illness'? What would change for you? Would your sense of your future shift, or how you frame and understand your identity?
That’s how I see myself, actually, but like Leon I had to do all the psychological spadework with just myself for company as I don’t have a bean spare for therapy 🤷♀️ Also, my support network (apart from my husband and a good friend) has been the total opposite of supportive due to ignorance and appalling attitudes that see not being in a well paid job as being a sign of character weakness 🤦🏼♀️. So I have recovered despite them all. ❤️🩹🫂👋
I always look at my clients through the lens of the psychological injuries that they have experienced. Were they emotionally neglected as a child, or sexually abused as an adolescent? Did they have an alcoholic parent? The ACE’s (Adverse Childhood Experiences) are a good place to start. Even if they had an emotionally healthy childhood, they can still have psychological injuries in adulthood, such as the direct and vicarious trauma that Leon describes so vividly here. I rarely think of the person in terms of their diagnosis, because it is often uninformative. Is the person depressed because of relentless emotional abuse in childhood? Are they depressed because of a toxic boss? What I say to one client in therapy is very different from what I say to the other, even though they have the same label of ‘Major Depression’.
This makes a lot of sense. I used to know someone diagnosed with pancreatic cancer. It was terminal and the doctor gave her anti depressants. I felt at the time that it didn't make a lot of sense to treat her depression as some kind of pathology because ANYONE facing death in that way might be "depressed".
This depression is very different from someone whose life is going well by all measures, yet is depressed for no obvious reason.
Every case is individual as you explained so well.
A diagnosis of cancer can be verified by blood tests, ultrasounds, etc as can heart disease. There is no brain scan, blood test, etc to verify or rule out any disorder in DSM. A DSM label is a collection of symptoms that a committee of psychiatrists grouped together under a label. Yes, people's suffering is very real, but the particular labels in DSM do not have the verification that one needs for a scientifically valid diagnosis.
I’m sure you were. Those psychotropic meds can be frighteningly powerful.
Did your doctors ever indicate a latent genetic link to the schizophrenia that was brought to the surface by the trauma? Or was it entirely trauma induced?
There's a very big genetic link to the schizophrenia on my dad's side. My uncle, my gran, my dad's cousin all had schizophrenia. The doctors were unsure if I had schizophrenia or schizoaffective disorder, but the treatment is the same.
It looks like I had a genetic link that was then brought out through trauma as before the trauma I had no mental health problems at all.
Unfortunately, like with a lot of things related to mental health, some of it is guesswork.
I wish I could subscribe. I too have PTSD, CPTSD, Treatment Resistant Depression and Chronic Anxiety. I am a survivor of historical sexual abuse from 3 men. My mom knew and one of my other assaulters wife knew and did nothing. I did speak out at 27 and lost about 47 people in my very close family, within seconds. Almost 30 years later and every medication and treatment possible, I still struggle daily to even get out of bed. I hide from the world. People have tried to help? But when they can't fix me, they leave so it's easier to be alone. I have suffered more Trauma from Mental Health Professional's that have no business treating Trauma survivor's like me.
The world is cruel. Life is hard and I sit between four walls waiting for my suffering to stop.
Thank you
I'm so sorry to read this. First, I'm very happy to have you as a free subscriber. You don't have to pay anything to be part of my Substack and I'm glad to have you.
Words can't do justice to the horror you've experienced. When it comes to mental health professionals, I've also had bad experiences. It's tragic that "fixing people" is still what the majority think of as "helping".
I want you to know that I have no qualifications in mental health other than my own experience. But I see you, you matter and I'm glad you're here.
Thank you
❤️🩹❤️🩹❤️🩹
Candace I hear you. Many ignorant people have compounded your trauma and deepened it so staying away from people is learned behaviour that you don’t need to apologise for. Of course you avoid hurtful situations, it’s part of our strategy to survive. Some people have called it wintering, and other people’s coldness has caused it in your case. Just do something kind for yourself every day and when you feel up to it, follow and find people who can warm you back up a bit on here. Sending love ❤️
This really touched me thanks for sharing. I understand first hand I've been dealing with mental illness all my life starting with my mom who was bipolar. I am now 40 and got diagnosed at 17 with bipolar disorder. It's not easy it's a daily struggle. Struggle to live, get back to being yourself, being around others. Yes they judge you, because people judge what they don't know and are too ignorant to learn and research about.
Leon,
Your transparency in sharing this does a real service in educating others/me. Your breakdown of the difference between psychotic and psychopathic is particularly important. The misconception that schizophrenia makes someone dangerous is both damaging and unfounded. People with schizophrenia are far more likely to be victims of violence than perpetrators, yet fear-based narratives persist. Clarifications like yours help challenge that stigma.
Your experience with ignorance—whether from your father’s friend or your partner’s sister—speaks to a broader issue. Many would rather dismiss or distance themselves from what they do not understand. Instead of empathy, they respond with avoidance or judgment. But as you’ve shown, the ignorance of others (including professionals in the field) does not define one's worth, nor should it dictate one's future.
Dom :)
Thanks so much for this comment! I agree with every word. People with schizophrenia are more dangerous to themselves than anyone else.
Thank you for sharing this. It’s so important. I grew up with a mom who suffered significantly from mental illness at a time when it wasn’t considered; only avoided and judged. I too have suffered from depression; anxiety and chronic ptsd. It’s a lonely thing bc most people in my circle can’t or won’t relate. You messages are so validating. I chose to be a mental health clinician as my life work. It’s all I could do to try and be a part of the solution and remedy for these issues in our society. It’s hard work and hard on me sometimes, but I know it’s why I’m here. Seeing my mother suffer and me suffer also has developed in me great compassion for others who are unseen and marginalized bc of their struggles that people don’t understand or want to even try. I’m so encouraged by your hard won victories and never giving up. Amazing! Peace and blessings to you and yours over and over!
Thanks so much! You’re so right that mental health issues can make life lonely. That’s why we have to reach as many people as possible to let them know we see them and we understand.
Your remarkable strength is evident throughout your writing. I am deeply appalled at the bully nurses you describe. As my father asked from his nursing home bed about aids who were abusing him, “Why do people like that take this job?”
Thanks I really appreciate that! Your father was spot on. I can only assume they grow hard through years of exposure to misery.
You are stronger than you think. Keep doing the amazing work. Your writing is excellent! Thank you.
Thank you for sharing your story. I can definitely relate to feeling misunderstood. I/we have DID (dissociative identity disorder), which is also often mistakenly believed to be violent and dangerous, due to all the horror movies that have been made about us. We have started telling our story online, using pseudonyms, but most of the people in our daily life don’t know about it, because we don’t feel safe being completely open about it. - Leyna
It’s ridiculous the way it is portrayed. These disorders I don’t see as disorders but in a way our innate spiritual intelligence that protects our psyche. You are probs a super sensitive person who has access to abilities that most people don’t. Keep going dude ❤️🩹
Thank you
Thank you for your candor and for your service helping others!
I’ve done a mental and health and drug alcohol as an interviewer for 24 years . Folks don’t fathom it until it hits them or family. My father had a mental breakdown in front of me when I was 12. He was heading that way again with poor health as well. At 18 I found a natural therapy that he went on immediately. He lived 35 years more and never died of cancer. He gave hi heart to the Lord at the beginning of this ordeal and never repeated the long process . We found out years later he had witnessed horrible things as a child that no one knew. You don’t know what a person has been through ever. For some it’s a quick process, but others can take a lot longer.
YES! Everyone has a story. Judging others is useless, dismissive and hurtful. It’s no help at all and perpetuates the suffering and ignorance.
Thanks so much!
I have an interesting thought experiment for you. What if you referred to yourself as having 'psychological injuries' rather than a 'mental illness'? What would change for you? Would your sense of your future shift, or how you frame and understand your identity?
That’s how I see myself, actually, but like Leon I had to do all the psychological spadework with just myself for company as I don’t have a bean spare for therapy 🤷♀️ Also, my support network (apart from my husband and a good friend) has been the total opposite of supportive due to ignorance and appalling attitudes that see not being in a well paid job as being a sign of character weakness 🤦🏼♀️. So I have recovered despite them all. ❤️🩹🫂👋
It wouldn't make any difference as I am mostly symptom-free of any mental illness. That includes schizophrenia. My identity is that of a survivor.
I think the shift in language is definitely helpful though for people living with the effects of trauma though.
Can you say more about this? Is it part of your practice with patients?
I always look at my clients through the lens of the psychological injuries that they have experienced. Were they emotionally neglected as a child, or sexually abused as an adolescent? Did they have an alcoholic parent? The ACE’s (Adverse Childhood Experiences) are a good place to start. Even if they had an emotionally healthy childhood, they can still have psychological injuries in adulthood, such as the direct and vicarious trauma that Leon describes so vividly here. I rarely think of the person in terms of their diagnosis, because it is often uninformative. Is the person depressed because of relentless emotional abuse in childhood? Are they depressed because of a toxic boss? What I say to one client in therapy is very different from what I say to the other, even though they have the same label of ‘Major Depression’.
This makes a lot of sense. I used to know someone diagnosed with pancreatic cancer. It was terminal and the doctor gave her anti depressants. I felt at the time that it didn't make a lot of sense to treat her depression as some kind of pathology because ANYONE facing death in that way might be "depressed".
This depression is very different from someone whose life is going well by all measures, yet is depressed for no obvious reason.
Every case is individual as you explained so well.
Yes, and it would stand to reason that a blanket drug treatment would also not serve the client's health very well. Would you agree?
Thanks for expanding. That all makes perfect sense to me.
Interesting idea. I also balked at the label.
I like to call things what they are. Cancer is cancer, heart disease is heart disease and mental illness is mental illness.
Even the DSM stands for the Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders.
I respect that.
A diagnosis of cancer can be verified by blood tests, ultrasounds, etc as can heart disease. There is no brain scan, blood test, etc to verify or rule out any disorder in DSM. A DSM label is a collection of symptoms that a committee of psychiatrists grouped together under a label. Yes, people's suffering is very real, but the particular labels in DSM do not have the verification that one needs for a scientifically valid diagnosis.
Well, if you’ve shown one thing it’s that people can really be assholes.
I’m curious … did you ever try any psychedelic medications?
No I was hallucinating enough with the schizophrenia.
I’m sure you were. Those psychotropic meds can be frighteningly powerful.
Did your doctors ever indicate a latent genetic link to the schizophrenia that was brought to the surface by the trauma? Or was it entirely trauma induced?
There's a very big genetic link to the schizophrenia on my dad's side. My uncle, my gran, my dad's cousin all had schizophrenia. The doctors were unsure if I had schizophrenia or schizoaffective disorder, but the treatment is the same.
It looks like I had a genetic link that was then brought out through trauma as before the trauma I had no mental health problems at all.
Unfortunately, like with a lot of things related to mental health, some of it is guesswork.
Bravely sharing his own battle with mental illness and helping to break down prejudices - this is a short, fascinating, yet hard hitting, piece.
Agreed, especially since it seems to be an even greater stigma for men.