We Only Support People With Mental Illness Until It Gets Ugly

Seek help without shame.

Image by Andrii Yalanskyi on iStock

“You have this nasty biological illness,” the Psychiatrist told me. After a disastrous visit to a trauma specialist, I’d gone for my routine appointment, and I’d just been diagnosed with schizophrenia.

Until now, I’d had PTSD, but a new world of pain had opened up. As I sat in that dingy NHS office, the label “Schizophrenia” felt like it had cut into my stomach. I went into shock, and I couldn’t help but wonder if this was a small part of how a cancer patient feels.

I could cope with the label of PTSD. I was traumatized because of my career in the police. I became ill by sacrificing myself to protect others. I was no longer ashamed of this diagnosis. I could spin it by saying only the brave get PTSD — survivors of shocking crimes, the military, and emergency service personnel. You had to endure something extraordinary to get PTSD.

Schizophrenia was different. Now we’re entering “people crossing the road when they see me coming” territory. The scapegoat for every murderous act in criminal history — “he must have been mad.” This is the illness that gets people locked up. The layperson means this when they say someone’s “snapped.”

The stereotype of Schizophrenics being violent wasn’t helped by my dad’s cousin, who murdered his mother with an axe while in a psychotic rage. Could I do that? Is that my destiny?

Some mental illnesses have more stigma than others. Schizophrenia is top of the pyramid. People support mental illness as long as the sufferer behaves themselves. We reduce them to a series of quirky personality traits:

• “Oh, his OCD must be playing up as he’s washed his hands again.”

• “She seems down today. Maybe her depression is kicking in”.

• “The poor thing has been so anxious recently.”

But what about the guy who rants on the street corner? What about another one of my family members who ran around London with a bag containing £10k, handing it out to bribe people not to murder the Queen? What about the guy who shot up the movie theatre because he was hallucinating?

Suddenly, the well of support dries up. But that’s actual mental illness — nasty and occasionally vicious. If you support the mentally ill, you have to support ALL of us.

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The pain of judgment

The stigma faced by those with serious mental illnesses makes people reluctant to seek help. We go into denial. My partner burst into tears when I told her I’d been diagnosed with schizophrenia. I was still the same person as the day before, but now she saw me in a new light.

My dad went into denial and said he had seen many Schizophrenics in his family, and I wasn’t one of them.

People with severe mental illness don’t want to be judged. We don’t want to be compared to other cases. Seeking help is equivalent to admitting you’re an alcoholic. It’s the most painful step of all.

Another fear is a lack of understanding. The average person has no idea about schizophrenia. They “know” we’re dangerous. They don’t know that people with schizophrenia are more likely to be victims than perpetrators. So to avoid persecution, we stay silent and hidden.

Some people with severe mental illness face bullying in the workplace,  assuming they can even get to work. With a crackdown on benefits and the closure of many mental hospitals, some people with mental illness are forced to work when they are unsuitable. Bullying ensues because human nature encourages the strong to prey on the weak, leading to the belief that the person can’t succeed.

Stigma puts us in danger of losing our confidence, dignity, and purpose. We must fight to overcome it. Here’s how I propose to end prejudice against the mentally ill.

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1. Knowledge as a light in the dark.

Knowledge dispels fear. People fear the mentally ill because they don’t know any better—the media love to feed this fear with dark tales of angry schizos running around butchering people.

Here are some facts about schizophrenia you may not know:

• People with schizophrenia don’t have multiple personalities. That’s a separate disorder. Schizophrenia includes hallucinations and delusions, which means hearing voices. This is not the same as multiple personalities.

• Bad parenting cannot cause schizophrenia.

• Genes play a role, but having a parent with schizophrenia doesn’t mean you’re destined to get it.

• Many people with schizophrenia live independently or with family. Only extreme cases need incarceration.

• With the proper treatment, people with schizophrenia can work.

• Treatments can manage its severity. I’m symptom-free so long as I take meds.

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2. Break the cycle of stigma and shame.

We often judge ourselves harshly. I believed my condition was a sign of weakness, and the fact that I couldn’t control it meant that I was a coward.

The importance of education applies as much to ourselves as to others. Find out as much as you can about mental illness and connect with others in a similar position.

End the cycle of judgment.

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3. The temptation of isolation.

I realized after I left the police that the idea of us all being one big family was a myth. Perhaps it was because my illness was mental that I barely heard from most of my colleagues again.

One person persisted with me. He’d call me weekly and ask me to meet for drinks. I wouldn’t leave the house, and crowds were painful, so I always said no.

Gradually, the calls came to a stop. You can only ask someone to meet up so many times if they refuse.

Many of us with mental illness isolate. My uncle never left the house and refused visitors. After he died, my dad found mountains of old newspapers and several inches of thick dust everywhere. My uncle had been rattling around in that house for years with no one to talk to. He thought the blackbirds were CIA spies.

My family has gotten me through the darkest times of my illness. You may not want a truckload of friends, but try to confide in at least one person.

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4. We’re more than a diagnosis.

Language matters. I’m not a schizophrenic. I have schizophrenia. I’m more than a diagnosis.

I’m a partner and a son. I’m a trader. I’m a writer and a dozen other things. I also happen to have schizophrenia.

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5. Speak out and change the world.

I used to hide my mental illnesses through shame. Now I’m an open book. I tell anyone who wants to listen. I write and speak about my experiences.

Just this afternoon, I opened up a new brokerage account for trading. The broker asked me on the phone how I make money. The conversation led us to talk about mental health. He felt I had an inspiring story.

One of my articles was used by a major charity for National Schizophrenia Day.

The ripple effect of these encounters never ends. Who knows how many people my honesty will help?

I could hide from the stigma, or I could talk about it.

I chose to talk.

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This is our problem

I’ve done well, considering I have a “nasty biological illness.” Providing I take medication, I’m unlikely to relapse. But I don’t take anything for granted. I can say today’s good, and I hope tomorrow will be as well.

We all need to play our part in reducing the stigma of mental illness. The media won’t help. Politicians won’t do it for us. This is our problem, and we need to solve it.

If not for us, then for future generations.

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If you’re struggling with the aftermath of trauma, depression, or a major life disruption, you don’t have to figure it all out alone.

I work with people who feel stuck, lost, or judged because of their mental health struggles — helping them rebuild stability, confidence, and direction step by step.

If that sounds like something you need, you can learn more about working with me here.