How I Navigate Setbacks on the Path to Mental Health Recovery
Turning challenges into strength.
I am the underdog, and I want to prove that one can follow one’s dreams despite all the flaws and setbacks.
I’ve been recovering from depression for several years now. But sometimes, I still struggle. Recently, it has been one of those times.
I find my mind wandering to places that cause me anxiety — the hurting places. Instead of being 100% focused on what I’m doing, I wonder what the point is. I’m dwelling on past adverse events, and the things I enjoy feel blah.
I know that when I start to ponder the meaning of life and come up short, it’s a sign that depression is catching up to me. Unlike in the past, I’m ready for it now. I’ve fought it off before, and I can do it again. I know what I have to do to keep myself as safe as possible.
This, too, shall pass.
The biggest lessons I learned were probably the times where I had the biggest setbacks and the biggest challenges — when I had the biggest jumps forward and lessons learned.
I don’t panic because even my worst depression has passed. By not panicking, I keep everything realistic. I’ve been here before, and I know mental health recovery doesn’t go in a straight line. Like the stock market, setbacks and downswings are part of the process.
A trap I used to fall into was frantically searching for a reason why I felt depressed. Sometimes, there was no reason, and there’s none this time. My relationship is better than ever, I am financially secure, my writing is going well, and my mum is healthy. There’s nothing in my life that’s going badly.
And yet, I still feel the pangs of depression.
So now I accept it. I don’t fight or try to understand. I let it wash over me and hunker down for the storm.
Look out for the warning signs.
Failures and setbacks are inevitable for all of us.
After many years, the warning signs of a depressive episode are clear to me — searching for the meaning of life, wondering why I’m here, and not enjoying my usual activities.
When these signs appear, I could ignore them, but then I risk making it worse. When you bottle things up, they explode. You don’t know when or how, but the pressure can’t hold forever. That’s when bad things happen.
Being aware of the warning signs prepares me for what may be ahead.
Another warning sign is that I feel anxiety for no reason. Most people fear something tangible. They can complete the sentence “I’m afraid because of.” That’s not me.
I’m afraid, and I have no idea why, so my brain looks for things to be scared of. Have you ever noticed that murderers are always terrifying until they’re caught? You imagine some mythical monster going around killing people. Then they’re identified, and they always look like a sad, pathetic loser. The fear goes away when you see the banality of evil, but until then, your imagination goes into overdrive.
The problem is that my brain attaches my fear to the wrong things. I recognize it playing tricks, so I never trust my first instinct or react to my first emotion. Instead, I wait a while and see if I still feel as strongly 30 minutes later. Usually, it’s a different story.
Take it easy.
Obviously I’ve had my setbacks, but those have enabled me to be the man I am today.
People who don’t know better tend to think the best way is to push through mental health setbacks — to “tough it out.” They believe in perseverance and view everything as a challenge.
The reality is that the best way for me to deal with setbacks is to rest and take life easy. Fighting and pushing my comfort zone is something I do when I’m healthy. Taking the pressure off and lounging around in my pajamas is reserved for the bad times.
If you broke your leg, you wouldn’t expect to run marathons. They would come when you had healed — it’s the same for your mind.
So, I let the productivity gurus discuss it while I watch rugby. After a couple of days, I’m ready to go again.
Keep perspective.
I believe my past setbacks are part of what it takes to build a champion. After all, how can you fully appreciate winning without knowing what it’s like to lose?
When I first suffered depression, I thought this was it for the rest of my life. Doctors even told me so when they said I was 100% permanently disabled.
Now I know better. The cliché that “a bad day doesn’t mean a bad life” is true. I know that, as awful as my life seems when I’m depressed, that feeling will pass. It’s all tricks my mind plays on me. My job is to weather the storm.
Don’t make any rash decisions in the fog of mental illness. I’m working on not reacting to my first feelings about anything, even when I’m well. Intuition and gut feeling don’t apply to me — they are distorted and usually wrong. Instead, I reserve judgment until I’ve thought about a situation. Doing this has saved me arguments and guilt by the bucketload.
Even at my worst, when I felt like taking my life, I reasoned that I’d wait until tomorrow, and if I still wanted to die, so be it. As you can see, my desire to live has always come back. I learned never to make impulsive decisions.
Conclusion.
Time and health are two precious assets that we don’t recognize and appreciate until they have been depleted.
Bad days are rare for me now, but they do happen, and I need to know how to navigate them effectively. Instead of pulling away and fighting them, I welcome bad times like a friend I must endure. They annoy me and outstay their welcome, but then they move on.
I remain unbroken because I’ve learned to listen to myself and what I need. I know the warning signs, and I know the worst storms, like everything, come to an end.
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I so love this and live it everyday. At almost 64, in September, I’ve overcome much pain and anxiety and grief and illness and I’m still standing after being told I will die from kidney failure 25 years later I’m still here.
Kindest regards
Carol Power
Johannesburg
South Africa
Speak truth to power wrt depression and anxiety and overthinking minds
Just think how many people you have and are helping and leading by example. Hat’s off to you. Charles